It has been ages since I last wrote a post about Japan.
In fact, the last post I wrote was over two years ago. And that was a continuation of a series I had taken a hiatus on after a full year.
So aside from one random blog post in three years, my Japan blog has been in a state of relative retirement. But, alas, I have saved up a wealth of observations about Japan which I wish to share with you and I will begin blogging about Japan again on a semi-regular basis.
***
My first series of observations apply mainly to Japanese life and specifically to family life. Well, namely my Japanese family, since we live with my parents-in-law (my wife's parents).
Granted, I should mention right off the bat that my observations about Japanese family life are biased, and the information I cite merely applies to my own family -- not all families.
As within any society, family culture has its own quirks, rules, values, and ways of doing things. A lot of the information about other Japanese families I have collected is merely anecdotal, and relates to my Japanese friend's families and how I have observed their interactions with their loved ones.
That said, there seems to be some sociological factors that many Japanese families seem to share between them, and although many of my own observations may seem stereotypical at best, there is a layer of truth to them.
Japanese Family Unit
The Japanese family unit is inclusive. It usually consists of the immediate family plus, occasionally, the grandparents.
Usually it happens to be the case where the young couple, and their children, move in with one of their parents. But I have also seen many instances where the parents, having matured to a ripe old age, have moved in with their middle aged children.
In my case, my wife and I moved back in with her parents roughly five years ago. It's been relatively pleasant thus far, and I have to admit I am quite lucky to have very patient and open minded Japanese parents-in-law. By the stories I have heard from my foreign friends, my example seems to be the exception to the rule. Most Japanese families, it seems, are rather severe on their foreign sons and daughters in law.
By severe I mean they are strict about house rules, and expect a certain respect and etiquette from their foreign import children -- a certain level of Japanesey-ness -- just to stay in their good graces while they live under the same roof.
My Japanese home life is relatively free from any cultural or racial tension. My parents-in-law are both well educated, hard working Japanese folks. My father-in-law just retired this year from a lofty position at the Japanese branch of the Coca-cola bottling Corporation. Needless to say, about the only rule that is strictly enforced in our house is -- Coke products only. (Obviously this only applies to juice based beverages -- of course beer, sake, and liquor as well as dairy are exempt from the rule, especially since Coke Japan does not bottle any liquor or dairy).
We live in a fairly spacious house. Also rare for Japan. It's a five bedroom two bath house with a spacious living room, two walk-in closets, and a large washroom.
We -- being my wife, two kids, and myself -- occupy the four bedrooms upstairs. The grandparents, and the two dogs, reside downstairs. There is only one bedroom downstairs, but that works out well for all of us since we have the luxury to stay out of each others hair.
In Japan, the father of the family usually works god awful long hours. My father-in-law, while he was still working regular shifts, would head out to work at 5 am and not finish till 8 pm. When he was a vending machine stalk boy he had to work from 4 am to 11 pm. Until recently he was re-assigned to a different town or municipality every years. Which means he had to commute or rent an apartment in those areas, since uprooting your family every single year just to stock Coke products didn't make much sense.
I know many Japanese families where the father over-works. Part of this is because company loyalty is expected in Japan, and large amounts of time and energy are spent on forging company bonds with associates and work colleagues. A woman who I tutor (English) only sees her husband one weekend every two months. He lives and works in Tokyo while she lives and works in Kumamoto. She's a single mother, living with her parents, because it's almost impossible for single mothers in Japan to be both working moms and raise children on their own.
My wife's best friend just had her baby, and her husband works from 6 am till 11 pm every night. They recently moved to the Tokyo area and she has no friends or support group and raising a newborn all on her own, day in and day out, is taking its toll on her. It's virtually the same as being a single mom, since the only time the father is home is at night, when the baby is asleep, or on weekends. And it could be an estranged uncle visiting from anywhere for all the baby is concerned.
I know many Japanese women who rarely ever see their husbands. But it's considered normal in Japan. Work life comes first.
As an American, this took some time for me to understand.
No comments:
Post a Comment