Thursday, February 14, 2008

Time Flies When You're Married



Sayaka and I are celebrating our one month anniversary of marriage. It seems strange to be saying that after five years together (although two of which were apart because of long distance), but here we are.

It's interesting to note that we haven't had any fights since the wedding, not even a little disagreement. I'm not certain, but I think we got all the major kinks out during our overly long engagement period. It was long, but it needed to be.

There's more going on in a multi-cross-cultural marriage. It's not just about you... it's about you and everyone you effect, and throwing in an entire new culture into the mix creates an innumerate amount of obstacles and responsibilities you didn't have before. It sort of forces you to have dual identities, and you have to consider all the angels from each side, because if you neglect one culture or put one above the other, eventually it will be your failure to meet the demand of one or the other that will ruin your relationship.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I hear people who 'young and in love' say they've never had a fight. Obviously, these kids are in for a huge surprise when they lift the blinders and find out that they're involved with a freak, or worse still, a carbon copy of their mother/father.

Fighting is important in any relationship. Wait, I know what you're thinking... what is he off his rocker? But I can assure you, it's the truth. Of course I don't mean violence and abuse, because these things are always detestable, but in general minor squables, argueing, and ironing out the kinks teaches you how to better communicate and interact with your life partner. If you've never fought with your lover, then I doubt there's much love there at all to begin with. Just two people sharing a room and breathing the same air.

Real love involves passion, and passionate people often have strong feelings and opinions, and if they don't agree, well, then they don't agree. We're not obligated to always agree with our partners. And giving into your lovers every whim is just as dangerous as never catering to them --again it's about communication. And the more you are able to communicate yourself to your partner, the more apt you'll be able to deal with any situation which should arise.

With this said, I feel I should add that I didn't marry because of love. Or rather, I didn't marry because I was in love with being in love. Certainly love was part of the equation, but I married because I found a friend that I couldn't do without. Just like when you are hanging out with your best mates you may find one in particular you click with better than the rest with never a sour moment between you both. Every time you're together newfound adventures await you. These true friends are rare whereas superficial friends come by the bucket load. Yet real genuine soulmates --people you grow up with, spend your life with, and more importantly, whom you want to be a part of your own life... these are extremely rare.

I just happened to luck out and found mine. I only had to travel to the other side of the world, learn a foreign language, and try to charm a girl from an entirely different culture. But it was she who put the charm on me instead, and I've been under her spell ever since. More importantly, my soulmate turned out to be an extremely hot Asian chick. What a break!

It's true, we get on wonderfully, and we have all the passion in the world. So I suppose love was inevitable. Furthermore, we have a splendid time in each other's company --laughing together, being witness to one another, experiencing life together, and sharing the precious moments --all of them more meaningful when you have someone to share them with.

As for the lonely souls out there, don't give up on hope. God may not play dice with the universe but I'm positively certain Cupid does. So if you're lucky enough to go the way of Eros, as I have been, then my only advice is to cherish every moment because it won't come again. Until then, make the best of your time and don't wallow away into misery, because that's just pathetic, and well -to be frank- it's a major turn off. What it really means is that you're probably too uninteresting to have anything better to do, basically meaning a royal bore. So chances are, unless you get out there and put yourself on the line in order to make some meaningful relationships... love is going to pass you by. Not because you are undesirable, but because you choose to be. And that's no way to pick up chicks. Trust me. Love takes a bit of work, actually a lot of work, and even more so if you're ugly. So get to it, and happy Valentines Day!


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