Saturday, May 27, 2006

The Perfect Love


Femie, a fellow Blog genius, not so unlike myself (whoah! The ego!) asked me to blog about my perfect love. Or rather, I think the challenge was to stop pausing and explain myself. I may have boasted that I do some things, and think certain ways, about love... that a regular man -let alone one perpetuating a patriarchal dominion over the woman- would probably not consider. Would this have anything to do with my being raised by a single mother and later a grandmother? Maybe. That perhaps I’m more in tune with my feminine side? Maybe not. My friends can attest to the fact that I’m an average man with just the right amount of machoness not to seem too annoying. Confidence, that’s what it is! Surely, the excuse we egomaniacs like to make.

Come now, let’s be smart about it. The perfect love just is. It exists whether we wish it to or not, and there is no pattern, no perfect mathmatical formula or equation to predict the outcome or design of love, and it is unbiased and unprejudiced to every rule mankind has ever made. Love has broken them all. I will confess that I have an amazing woman who idolizes me and I worship her also. The point is, when you do love some one with all of your heart, things are easy. The only thing that isn’t is love. Love is hard.

The example I used was:

Sayaka's mother loves me. She will bring me a cold green tea or coke to drink and sit next to me and whisper how much her husband has been annoying her. Sayaka's dad is either oblivious or used to it, because he'll be in the next room doing something only to come out and annoy his wife by asking her to do it for him. lol. I normally get up and help Sayaka's mother at the drop of a pin... all Sayaka has to do to get me to help her is give me *that look.

What can I say, I'm the rare kind of guy that loves to do the dishes with his girl or for his girl (depending on how tired she is). I always figured it was the right thing to do. Granted washing dishes isn't as manly as working on the Harley after a big dinner... but that's not the point now is it? It's not about ONLY me. This is a relationship... two become one.

Love takes dedication, work, perseverance, patience, understanding, and there is always (ALWAYS!) a constant battle to make oneself responsible for the other. The moment the relationship fails is when you start caring about yourself more than the other (or vice-a-versa)... and that's when the relationship is doomed. In a relationship where two people are concerned placing yourself first is the surest way to offset the balance, gain disdain, and ruin an otherwise perfect equilibrium. Social constructs, or family politics, or economics can all play a part in ruining the balance, but the lovers who persevere are the ones which will have the strength to tackle these obstacles together!

There is the Greek Myth of Psyche and Eros, and these two are paired for a reason. Psyche means “mind” and literally translates to “spirit” in Greek. Eros means love, or “heart.” The mind and the heart create the spiritual connection that love needs to grow strong. You can be the smartest man in the world, but without any heart, you’ll never know the depths of true love. And I suppose the opposite is true as well.

The whole idea behind "love" is that it's something eternal, but only as long as you keep it nurtured. Love is like a fire. If you let it die out... it's pretty much put out for good. But if you feed it, make it grow, kindle it, and then it roars with an overwhelming passion. Chopping the wood, care taking, regulating it, getting help when you can't fix the problems, sometimes breaking off contact with family or friends because they threaten your bond with your significant other, these are often the sacrifices that people aren't willing to make. Those in the instance they are asked to give something up -they will reject the act. And when this happens, when the hard work is brushed aside a love, any love, can become malnourished --it becomes rotten and leaves a sour taste in your mouth. This is the moment where either the lovers rekindle and rebuild a love, or it is where those with weaker constitutions take the easy out, and give up.

This means nothing to do with people who aren’t right for each other, because there are many of those types who are incompatible, but the obvious dilemma would be, how many of us have mistaken incompatibility for some failure not in the other, but in ourselves? I think in this modern age of the great fantasy of a romantic and fun love, almost self aggrandizing, we too often place the blame on “incompatibility” when we should cut out all the fuss and fess up to our bad choices and laziness towards love. The greatest symbol of love is holy matrimony -also known to the layman as marriage. It symbolizes a sacred union between man and women which means something more than just a functioning organism. He said this is a union of 'one flesh.' That the greatest honor and love we can give ourselves is the exclusive and mutually exclusive love of the other. This is our gift to each other out of love, and this means we must honor our obligation, our promise, and our vowes to love none other. Other man-made cultures believe in more than one wife. What are they crazy? This is a man's callow 'sexual' fantasy, a man who's been swayed by the temptation of the flesh, and a man who has obviously never been married before. One wife is more than enough! In the truest form of marriage we can attain a love which is so sublime that we can experience that joy which God put into the universe when woman and man were created for EACH OTHER.

Cheating is cheating period. The man who does this puts himself in the greatest moral bind of all. He either will gain a newfound gluttony and crave more of the delicacies of the flesh, all the finest and juiciest the perverters of the world can provide, or he will inevitably feel remorse and his conscience will weigh in on him causing him missery. Both end in ruin. Both end in the unjust torment of another's betrayed soul. They are not kidding when they say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Men should be wise to remember that.

Divorce is just a side effect of sin and shows our arogance to believe we could just set the cruise control and lay back. Arogance, this is the same sin which made us fall in the first place. It is the illusion which we base all of our bad descisions upon because we want something greater than what we have -and we don't want to take the time or put in the work to get it. Yet we could all benefit from a stern lecture, or we could jus realize, We made our bed and now we have to sleep in it. Divorce is just another way of saying "irresponsible." Those who divorce because they are battered and beat probably think those who divorce because they lacked fidelity are, well in all politeness, self conceited prudes. I think good old uncle Ben would tell Peter, "With great love comes great responsibility!"

There are many reason relationships fail, but the reason true love can work is because it is a design greater than the total sum of our conscience. Sadly, I've seen it happen all too often before, the staggering divorce rate which has shattered this small American village tradition of marriage… marriage is just a status quo and a game to many, also shatters the notion of love. It’s true that anything which is real is harder to work with because it requires an effort and expenditure of fortitude and energy on our behalf. That's why a real relationship is a hundred million times more difficult than the "Hollywood" idealized one. That's why "romantic" comedies are enjoyable, because they show the pleasant parts of courtship, but they rarely ever tackle the true adversity we have to face to overcome our weakness and give love a try.

The triumph of love requires an endless amount of sweat, blood, and tears. Many lonely souls have gotten themselves muddled in the tangles of complex relationships because they desperately seek companionship, comfort, and the spiritual home betwixt the comfort and embrace a couple warm arms can afford. Yet all so often, when the going gets rough, the tribulations of love scare the desperate into an endless cycle of "get out before you're hurt again" and that's when the self-torture repeats. Maybe this is an internal defense mechanism we all have, one which alerts us if the love was an illusion, but for the ones that jump into a life-long comitment of marriage only to find their dream melt away, to back out for any reason has to be justified. Minus the sweat, blood, and tears poored out through self-discipline and dedication love is nothing but a distant melody which floats faintly on a breeze, barely distinquishable from any other type of relationship. To bring it up, to orchastrate it fully, to send it out in torrents and blasts, to reach perfect harmony together requires delicate and precise conducting.

This, in turn, requires a thoughtfulness on our behalf. A consideration, compassion, willingness to forgive, the ability to bend and compromise, sometimes to stand firm, and a promise we commit to that goes beyond our everyday needs... and I have discovered personally, the splendor which can be had in following these common sense things. That by loving someone else this fully I gain that which I was missing in my life; someone who can return my affection on equal terms. Love is an active force which demands we take an active role. Whereas love at first sight is merely a crush, love beyond first sight can often sneak up on us like a cat, ready to pounce. It may unexpectedly happen, the occurance unpredictable -the spontaneity always exciting, sometimes awkward, other times divine, the deep intimate passion always rewarding, the spiritual connection always fulfilling.

The greatest aspect, or attribute, of love is the fact that the truest love is so enduring. Odysseus had his Penelope, and Tristan had his Isolde. I too have mine.

Am I the perfect lover? No. I'm far from it. I have my faults just like anybody, but I constantly try to re-educate and model myself into a more adequate lover. Because my woman thinks I am perfect, I guess I have the right to say what I feel, that I don't think others are doing such a hot job of it. My own parents sure didn't. I guess what it comes down to is that I satisfy my woman's needs, desires, and cravings. I feed her emotionally and make her dreams come true. We spiritually complete each other, and I'm ever humble for it. I can’t express my gratitude for God finding me the perfect match, my soul mate. It may sound like I'm bragging, but I assure you, I'm only speaking about what I'm so honored to have and partake in. If it's something you've always wanted but have never had the opportunity to experience, then I sympathize with you, because I once was in your shoes too.

In all sincerety, just know that it's okay to be jealous, if you want to be.


Neverland82 said...

"just know that it's okay to be jealous"
lol ;)

You know, feeling jealous will be unintentional, if someone hears that somebody else has found the perfect match, as it is so hard in these days to find one!

I don't know, but in these days, everybody is searching for Perfection...everybody wants a whole package, and there is nothing in the world called "The whole package", but when you REALLY love someone, you will ignore the imperfect side that he/she has...This is the power of love, as you just go beyond their weaknesses and their sins...

And I totally agree with you, with love, comes a huge responsibility, because you should work to keep your job, you should work to get your diploma, and you should work to gain love...It's all about investing your effort and your passion...

I have to say that I enjoyed reading your post, because it was so realistic, and people usually get out of the right track when it they start talking about love...

Tristan Vick said...

God has blessed me, he showed me HER. For this blink of an existance in the entire eternity of the universe, I get to experience it with a woman I love and who loves me back.

Even though our lifes will amount to a flash of lightinging, a flicker, and then it's gone... all I can do is be thankful that I get to experience that moment with my soulmate.

She's the flame that sings soulfire and breathes life into my world.

Thanks for the comments.

al-hajeji said...

why did you suck your face in? you looked like a fish.