Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The First in My Heart

She is the first in my heart, always and forever.

My girl is the most special woman I've ever known. She is the kindest, most honest, sincere, and loving Japanese woman on the face of the earth. She has style, she never backs down to me, she is my equal, she always speaks her mind, what a great mind she has! She will show public affection for me -and for a Japanese woman that's a rare thing. She'll brush aside cultural taboos to show me off and kiss me in public. Old Japanese grandma's and grandpa's jaws hit the ground -awestruck- when they see this beautiful Japanese woman loving me, her white American fiancé. It's rare, for a girl to be so affectionate when she was raised in a country which tries to hide its real emotions, to step out from behind to mask to show her true face, that’s a big sacrifice and one she made for me. It’s precious, she’s precious, and the important thing is I feel loved.

Often time’s curious couples will ask us if we're married. We explain to them that we will be soon. It never ceases to amaze me how people can pick up on our "deep love" as if they had a “deep love” radar beam honing in on us. Soon afterward we get bombarded with a million and one questions concerning our future plans. Where will we live? Where will we work? Is the wedding going to be in America or in Japan? What type of wedding will we have? What do our parents think of our international, multicultural, multi-racial union? So on and so forth.

We politely grin and as if we were a programmed answering machine, and with a communal voice, we rattle of the answers with precision responses, after all, it will only be the one million and second time we say it. But it never bothers us, because we're proud to show our love. Some Japanese girls swoon, and in passing, sometimes we catch pieces of their conversations. The middle school or high school girls make comments to each other about us in relationship to their “ideal” love, one I assume is free and open. Most often their comments focus on finding a "dream guy" also, or comments such as, "what a great looking couple" all of it, of course, flattery to our ears. Typically we'll hear the Japanese word kakkoii (handsome, neat, and stunning) whispered quite frequently to describe us.

Sayaka and I listen to these secretive comments and are always glad when we can give somebody hope for an actualized dream, a dream I live with my soul mate, my Sayaka. That in Japan, hope of a decent guy is a common desire. Yet, it's more than a fairy tale fantasy… when you have a country with a slew of men who think more with their heads below their waists than the heads above it, as a very male dominant patriarchal society permits, it is the dream of finding one's very own prince charming that I see in the recesses of the average Japanese women’s soul-search. That soul mate which will respect and love you as much as you love him back, can that type of man; that type of love really exist? That's what I see in their eyes, a deep longing for something greater. A woman hungers to be independent, self actualized, and have their guy accept them for who they are. A guy willing to sacrifice his own socially acceptable ‘treats’ –the eye candy of flesh and temptation laid out on the side of the road for every Japanese man’s eye’s to devour- in all the girlfriends, wives, and lovers of the world there is a great yearning for the man who has eyes only for her; as my eyes are only for Sayaka.

In those elegant and patient women, built of emotion steel and Novocain, the older Japanese wives who walk ten paces behind their drunken husbands show an obedience and loyalty they desperately dream of; that mutal exchange of an eternal commitment; a promise to her and her alone. Their Japanese husbands play their callow games, all more like boys rather than gentleman, as they ogle every prostitute or hostess club attraction on the side of the neon-lit streets. Japan is a country of lonely women just waiting for the time when their boys will grow up to be real men, to be the type of man not afraid to show his love or affection to his own wife and to finally open up his emotions, finally, buckling up and committing himself to no other but the woman he married. Women want a real man, a mature adult, who can talk to her and make her feel special on that emotional level –a very intimate and sacred place where the union of a man and woman’s mind and heart can be shared and melded into one. Inevitably, with time earned patience, the Japanese wives role their eyes as their silly husbands which act like boys instead of men. Set in their ways, these men live a childish universe where their every fantasy can come true, a man’s juvenile fantasy of lust for that sacred women put on this earth to fulfill him spiritually, will they every learn I wonder?

In order to grow into real men they will first have to put aside childish things... no matter how tempting the fantasy may be... it's an illusion. Real love comes from that anguish of the heart, not to appease it but to test it. I feel sad for these wives, for they put up with the failings of their husbands time and time again. And they show a greater love through their compassion than any man could ever get through sinful indulgence in the flesh. The man's infidelity is the very sin with leads him down the road of perdition. While the women here show us a very safistocated love, poored out from mind and spirit -all of it a godly love; a pure love. Whereas the men, show a rather simple... even crudementary love -the kind you would give to a pet rather than an equal.

When the graceful women spot Sayaka and me, they whisper to each other, giggle, and admire how my eyes never stray. Mine are eternally locked onto Sayaka's eyes, because they are the biggest and most beautiful brown eyes I've ever seen. And the worst feeling in the world for me is to see those eyes sad. You know, I can get lost in her eyes. There are worlds to be had in her eyes. If only more men knew this about their women, maybe they'd be more loyal. But I dare say, they are missing out on the truest joys a woman can bring. I am genuinely honored to have Sayaka, for her to be a part of my life, my very own Japanese princess, the queen of my world, and the keeper of my heart.


Neverland said...

I loved your post...I felt its wormth and deapth you know?
She's a lucky lady to have someone wo really appreciates her. and sure she is a special lady :)

May God bless you both :)

Neverland said...

And about people asking ...Well...It happens all the time and it pisses me off!

I mean, when I was in high school, they are like : what is your future plans regarding your career! CAREER? I mean, wait a minute!

And when I started going to collage, they are like, when are you going to gradutae! and when I graduated, they were like : when are you going to work! and Now I am working, and guess what's the next question?
It is "When are you going to get married!"
It just keeps on going, you know?!

Tristan Vick said...

Yes... but the questions don't bother me, because I'm so proud and honored to share my love for my special girl, and the more love people see... the more they want to try to love too. With all of their hearts!

Neverland said...

I got your point :)

Anonymous said...

Let me stand
and applaud for you

You are ....
and always...
But you know ....

That's all what I wanted always to say.

Thank you and stay happy ;o)

I Love mysterious messages!